Who will carry the flag?

William came home from work one day after listening to Col. Walsh speak one day and said, "Did you know that less than 1%, to be more accurate 0.5% of the population in the United States is in the military. No wonder people in our country are so removed from the war and what is going on...it is affecting so few people." My husband always speaks fondly of him and says he is an incredibly motivating speaker. William's squadron had a safety stand down last Thursday before the holiday weekend and Col. Walsh came back to speak and again William felt as though he was speaking right to him.



Friday, while we driving to Birmingham, we began to discuss our future, staying in the military, getting out, options of what we could do if we stay in etc...the same conversation we have on a weekly basis. I am not saying that in a negative way, it doesn't bother me, we just discuss it a lot and I am thankful, my feelings and opinion matter. We bounce pros and cons off each other all the time. About 20 minutes outside of Birmingham, I needed to use the rest room so we stopped. As we were turning back on the interstate, we noticed a hearse had pulled on. There wasn't a police car escorting the hearse. I mentioned, "Do you think we jumped in the middle of their procession?" We both looked back and noticed headlights on many of the cars behind us and realized we probably did. As we passed the hearse, we both looked over and noticed the American flag draped on the casket. We both cringed, feeling awful that we didn't stop and wait for everyone to have the chance to follow. We chatted back and forth, as to whether it was a recent victim of war or someone who had served many years ago and recently died. Out of nowhere a small American flag was whipping in the wind around the interstate, much like a plastic bag. We ran over it.



We arrived at Leelee and Pops and got the girls inside. William and his dad went back out to get our stuff out of the car. Pops walked back in and said, "Look what I found in the grill of your car." It was the American flag we thought we had run over. It was bizarre and interesting all at the same time. It survived on the grill of our car for the 15 minute drive we had left, interstate, stop lights, stop signs. Plenty of chances to just fall off! That night as William and I were kneeling down to pray he said "What do you think about that flag?" I said," I can't believe that it didn't fall off. I think it is a pretty profound statement from God, considering how much we were talking about staying in the military at the very moment we ran into it." He said, "Yeah, I can't believe it either, it was as if He was asking me "Who will carry the flag?" We went to bed that night and I was pretty certain we were staying in the military based on that conversation.



Saturday came and went and we had a great time. It was spent with many long time family friends, their children, and grandchildren. Generations of friendships that had been forged many years ago and maintained to this day. Sunday, as we were driving home discussing our weekend, we got to talking about how neat it is that everyone is still friends after all these years. We feel that is something we will miss out if we stay in the military as well as our kids because we won't live in the same city for the rest of our lives. Back to square one, and suddenly I feel he is feeling the pull to get out and provide that for our family. We begin discussing what "success" looks like to us outside of the military? Is it a nice home in a good school district, membership to a country club,a nice car, a lake house, all of these "things." Not that these "things" are bad or good, just trying to set a standard of what is important to us or not important to us. Ultimately that evening we ended the discussion that we would both be praying about it together and individually because God could weigh something heavy on my heart or vice versa.



To me, when I see William, I see a Marine. I met him in the midst of training to fly CH-53s. I see a green or tan flight suit and sometimes his dress blues (hello, best uniform around, nothing against my fellow Army, Air Force, Navy or Coast Guard readers but in my humble opinion, it is the best looking uniform!). William,at the core has an entrepreneurial spirit and would no doubt be successful outside of the military, I have full faith in that. I just don't know if it would be as fulfilling for him! William has excelled in the military environment. From his days at VMI where he served his last year as Regimental Commander to now being a Marine Corps Officer. He is a respected officer, a great yet humble leader, and excellent at his job. His achievements speak for themselves. Most importantly he likes his job. Actually he loves his job...most aspects of it! There is no doubt that deployments are hard on the family,especially while we are at war. The cycle is never ending. His sense of duty is being fulfilled in this job and it is hard to say whether he will feel that in a civilian job. He has already told me many times, he wants more out of a job than just to provide financially for his family and come home every night. He has spoken candidly about his desire to get in the political realm and run for the Senate or Congress (Lord help me, please say this is not the road you are taking us down!)



For me, staying in is the easy decision. Job security,great health insurance, a good retirement, a happy husband who likes his job, and a general idea of what the next 5 years could look like for us, a built in community group. Getting out leaves many unknowns. I have many fears about getting out and I don't want that to affect how God speaks to me. I am always asking myself, "Are my fears trumping my ability to trust Him?"Getting out at this point will more than likely mean a temporary decrease in income. Where will we live? Where do we want to live?Will he like his job? Will he travel a lot? So many unknows for us at this point.



Speaking of the built in community group, I have come to love this. When you join the military, they shave your head (men),and conform you to all look the same. You make the same amount of money as the next guy of the same rank regardless of your job performance. You are rewarded with more work if you are good at your job, not a pay raise! This conformity trickles down to the family as well. Most wives without children work but in general the majority of the wives who have young children stay home...at least in my experience this is what I have seen. Therefore your standard of living is set for you. It is humbling, but in a good way. Your focus changes and how you perceive others is different. You become friends with and hang out with people you never thought you would. When you live your life sending your husband to war, life's perspective changes. I look back to the night I was first admitted for preterm labor and preeclampsia. William's commanding officer's wife spent the night with me. How many of you in the civilian world would have your husband's boss' wife spend the night with you in the hospital if you were in my situation. She stayed with me and left her teenage kids at home, alone! All because she knew that if William knew I was being taken care of than he could do his job and worry less. My friends drove 30-40 minutes daily to bring me food and stay with me, even with their young children. I never went to the hospital alone, even if it was 11pm at night. Most people may have family and lifelong friends who do this but few have friends they have known for 2 years or less that would do this. This is unique to the military. The hard part is when you find someone you have depth with like my friend Jen, then you move and you don't always stay together! That stinks! As hard as it is on me, I wonder how it will be for my girls to leave behind friends as they get older?



Ultimately the choice is ours and either road we choose He will be with us. There isn't a right or wrong journey, just different. I am trying to be supportive of my husband because I know the decision to choose a career that will require you to leave your family for extended amounts of time is hard! Deployments will be very difficult on our kids, that is inevitable. I know I will be able to handle it, because He will sustain me like has before. The choice is just hard, much harder than we thought!

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